The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
