What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
