I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
