She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
