Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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