Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
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