I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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