you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I want a musical about memes.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
