Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The best revenge is premature balding
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
