um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
