so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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