just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
