So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
