Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
