What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
