I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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