Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
