Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
