I bet he comes in French.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
