I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
