Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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