Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Send help, water and tortillas.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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