The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
