dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
