the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've blown a few things in my day
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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