was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
