is your mom at the bar?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
