We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
