Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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