My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
