Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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