you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
