shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
