Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
