the condom got lost in my hair
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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