I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I love you. Go after that dick
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
