you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
