There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
