i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
