I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
