I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
