She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
