So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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