I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
