The maid of honor just puked.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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