So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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