I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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