She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
