The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
