Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
