make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
