Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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