Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
