omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
