I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
