I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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